Wandering

I feel so lost. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or not do.

I get down about someone to love. I thought I had the "one" who was right for me. I thought that for thirteen years. I am scared to death. I honestly don't want to try to find someone else. I really don't want anyone else. I distract myself pretty easily, because I still have my husband as my closest companion, I have a lot of close friends who I love, and I have a lot of interests. I am passionate about life.

But I can't help but long for someone to hold, to kiss. I miss that. Of course I really want it to be my husband, but, of course, I know that's not possible. When you have readily available affection for that long, it''s hard to not think about.

My mindset of late is that I don't feel I will ever have another "relationship". I just don't see the point. I can no longer imagine that there's a "one" out there for anyone. You have to take what you get. I get a gay man. He'll be looking for his "one". I'm not it. But I consider him mine. What am I supposed to do with that?